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=== Year Six ===
== Year Four ==


2010. Lokien is 6, but just a couple of months away from 7. Kajerik is 3, and about halfway to 4.


It has been a while, I guess maybe because we have all become a team,.. somehow. It just flows, and everyone is mostly sane now. Kajerik used to have tantrums, as you would expect of a 3 year old, but they too, have faded.
In about two weeks Lokien will turn 4 years old, and Kajerik is a week under 7 months old. The last week has been mostly about Kajerik, but we need to go back a little before we can talk about that. Back when Kajerik was about 4 months old he was still very often cross-eyed. We brought this up with our local Doctor, who referred us to an expert at Keio University Hospital, in Sendagaya-ku Tokyo.  


Lokien started school. That was quite the journey. Back at the start of the year, we were still quite concerned about his Speech Delay, and how it would affect him going to a Japanese school. Everything would presumably be harder for him as he would not have full Japanese at home. At the same time, his English would be much better than anyone in his class, but of course, compared to a child in New Zealand, he would be lagging in English as well.
Ushka did this trip, which was a long morning with lots of dilating eye drops, waiting, more drops etc. Then various tests and eye photography. But the real expert only comes in on Tuesdays, so he had to go back the following week. I took this shift as Ushka had a cooking class at the time. No drops needed, mostly consultation and we were referred to the Kokuritsu Seiiku-iryo Hospital (National Research Institute for Child Health and Development) in Setagaya-ku. First we were to try some drops to see if it was a disease rather than a disorder.  


By default, you tend to get assigned to the school that is closest to your home. In our case, it is Sanya School. But the largest school in Shibuya-ward is Jinnan, which has a much higher number of foreigners, and after-school care for those with special needs. Naturally we went to both schools to get a better understanding. When they say 'special needs', they really mean it. They can handle children with serious afflictions, far beyond what Lokien required.
The Kokuritsu Hospital is very nice, very new and caters very well to children. Has lots of play areas, very colourful and well lit. We saw the specialist there, female eye surgeon. After another bound of tests, mostly with prisms, we were informed that Kajerik had Infantile Esotropia and the normal procedure for this is corrective surgery. Luckily we are in Japan so it costs nothing.


Either way, we applied for Lokien to go to Jinnan as well, and figured that the decision would be made for us. Either he got in, or he didn't. We went to the lottery-day for Jinnan school. Basically, they do a lottery to determine the order of the children in the waiting list. Lokien got number 17, out of 26. So it was not definite for either direction. Previous years had seen all 30 children be placed, and some years only 12. We figured we would stay in the waiting list anyway, and went on holiday to NZ.
As it is better to have the surgery sooner rather than later, it was scheduled for Aug 23rd, Wednesday. The procedure was to check-in on Tuesday before, have the surgery on Wednesday afternoon, stay all of Thursday and usually you can check-out on Friday morning. It is fine for parents to stay with the child, but they do try to discourage you. There is no accommodation for the adult. Although since we picked a private room, we could book a special chair that changed into a bed of sorts. If we had picked the public room (sleeps four kids) there would be no room, but to sleep in a chair. You can not bring in food, nor is there food for you in the room (there are both restaurants and shops of course, but your child can't leave the Ward after the operation).


When we got back, as we had not heard anything we had figured that he was still in the waiting list, and Sanya would be the school. We were quite pleased with this outcome, as Sanya is very close to home. There is only one road to cross, and it has school crossing guards. We could see the benefits that Lokien could earn his independence to walk to school on his own (eventually) and all his class mates would all live nearby, within walking distance.   Whereas, Jinnan would be at least a Bus ride, or be transported by one of us parents.
Initially the plan was for Ushka to stay the 3 nights, and I shuttle Lokien to Daycare and work (to save holidays), but since Ushka's parents were here at the time, we modified it so that I stayed Wednesday afternoon/night and Thursday morning. That way Ushka did not have to do two nights in a row, and I generously offered to be there for the (presumably) hardest night.


When we went to Sanya to sign up, they were a little surprised, as it turns out, he did in fact, get accepted into Jinnan school. Hah, so much for letting the decision work itself out. Oh well, we had already mentally prepared ourselves for Sanya, and that we would have to help him with extra work. So, Sanya is the school.
So, Tuesday came. I took Lokien to Hoikuen/daycare as usual and went to work. Ushka and her parents left early for the Hospital, luckily it is on our train line (Odakyu, the Seijyo Gakkoen Mae stn). They went through the normal checks, and paperwork. They were a little worried about the /wobbly eye/ which can be a result of brain damage, or head trauma, so Kajerik also got a CT scan. Since that was clear, the surgery was still on.


First day of school, we all joined in, there was a ceremony, and photo ops, the usual speeches and so on. Lokiens class has some 36 students (the exact maximum for a single class). He already knows one friend in the class, who went to the same Hoikuen (day care) as Lokien.  Lokien was really proud to get his own train pass, home key and independence to walk to school without us. We do still tail him ' up the road' where he meets his class mates, and then they go on together, without us. As it turns out, because he is a foreigner in the school (actually, the only white kid in the school) the ward organises for him to get private Japanese classes when there is a generic Japanese class for the rest. As it turns out, since there are no foreigners in year 2 either, he gets 2 private classes a week. This turns out to be really good news. Had we known this last year, we might not have stressed as much as we did.
In the end I think Ushka got the hardest time, namely Wednesday morning when Kajerik could only have a little formula, then had to go without food and drink until the surgery, scheduled at 15:00. Lots of work and stress there, in a way, quite lucky this was the second born, so we are already much less stressed in general. I took a half day that day, and showed up at 15:00 or so. [[http://www.lokien.net/gallery/aug07/DSCF8578]]


He seems to excel at maths, and English (well, compared to peers), and appears to be on same level with his Hiragana as the other class mates. He does his homework as soon as he gets home, and no special concerns from his teachers, yet. He seems to really enjoy school, and we have no issues to get him up and going in the mornings. (knock on wood).
The child before had a difficult surgery so it was quite late, but around 16:15 they came to the room to wheel him down to the OR. The OR is located on 4F, so we followed him down there, but were asked to wait in the waiting area. So here we got to experience the "parents waiting for news of their child's surgery" you see on TV so often. Naturally it was a little over-time too which did not help. We, and everyone else waiting, were all waiting for nurse or surgeon to come in, so anyone walking by resulted in everyone checking.


He is very easy to get along with now, I have taken him to the cinema, and find that there is no stress at all, as compared to taking a new born out the first day! He has earned my trust in him after all, and he is great to take out. Not at all an effort to take out on the trains, or to a restaurant, movies and so on. He appears kind to other kids, and does not hit or do mean things. To the point where maybe he is tipping towards being 'too nice', if that makes sense.  
About 20 minutes later than expected the surgeon came out and explained everything went according to plan. About 6.5mm cut from the inside muscle (next to the nose). We were asked to wait while Kajerik was in the recovery room, and then he'd be wheeled out to us. This took quite a bit of waiting as well.


He can occasionally have episodes where he gets 'super focused' on someone, or something. Like he used to be at the height of hyperlexia. Usually, it is that he just can not leave Kajerik alone, and follows him around until we have to hold Lokien back. Or it is some toy that he just has to have. He can't continue to play with other things either, he will just sit there and wait for the toy he has to have, for however long it takes. (we're talking 20 minutes or more). Complete tunnel vision! 
Eventually he was wheeled in, eyes covered [[http://www.lokien.net/gallery/aug07/DSCF8594]] and sleeping. This part, and subsequent night, was quite uncertain to us, since he would have to sleep on his back (he's a front sleeper only), can't reach his face, eyes covered and could not drink immediately after surgery.


Lokien will fall asleep within minutes at night, and wakes up early in the morning, ready to go. I would describe him as a morning person at the moment.
As it happens, he slept for the two hours that he could not drink anything. After that I could feed him sugar-water. As he kept that down, he could go off the IV. He didn't like the IV attachment, but the IV was not annoying him as much as the foot connection was. (pulse and oxygen percentage monitoring). An hour after than he could have formula which went down just fine.


Kajerik is still going to Hoikuen, the same one that he and Lokien went to last year. He has moved up to the middle room, momo gumi. He isn't too sure about going, and had a period of not wanting to go at all. Nowhere near as strongly as Lokien was at one time, but still occasionally reluctant. Recently he has been resigned and accepting of it. It has helped that the pool opened at Hoikuen as he, this year at least, appears to enjoy splashing around in the pool. He speaks considerably better English that Lokien did at that age. Full, complete sentences compared to Lokien's 10-word vocabulary.  
He did not have to be tied down as he gave up trying to reach his eyes after I was blocking him for about 10 minutes. I slept off and on, the bed was a tight fit. Very narrow, you can have one arm by your side, not both. Kajerik woke up around 6 and had more formula, and slept a little more.


Kajerik's lengthy battle this year was toilet training. He got the peeing down pretty much the first day, and did well with it on average. Some days he didn't care, some days he had completely dry nappies . However, with pooing it was an entirely different story. He appeared to just plain not care to do that. I think he understood what was going on, but just did not see the point. He managed to not go to the toilet for 5 days, somehow, and learned to be really sneaky about it. He would simply, quietly, walk out of the room, and fill his nappy in about 12 seconds. Quite impressive when you think about the length he took to not have to go to the toilet. But in the end, he figured it out, and was proud about the whole situation. Strangely, since Lokien was toilet trained a little later than Kajerik, it turns out that they figured it out at about the same time, to the month. If they aren't ready, they just aren't.
The surgeon popped in at around 8 in the morning, and she removed the bandages. [[http://www.lokien.net/gallery/aug07/DSCF0117]] and after a little coaxing he opened his eyes. [[http://www.lokien.net/gallery/aug07/DSCF0124]] A little red in the middle, but otherwise looking great. Thursday went well, and he could come home on Friday.


Kajerik is quite a cheerful and mischievous little bugger, but already would appear a little less physical than Lokien. Kajerik does appear to like music and singing a little more though. Hoikuen has expressed some small concern that he does not speak much Japanese, and has not really made 'good' friends there, 'is there a speech problem'? Here at least we can just smile and know that Kajerik is just fine with his speech. It is true he uses much less Japanese, since he plays with Lokien for hours each day and they tend to play in English if they are at home. Lokien easily switches to Japanese when he plays with other friends, and I know Kajerik understands Japanese quite well. He just appears to 'not wanting to speak Japanese' by choice.  I suspect he will most likely make a friend close to his age soon enough. We all remember his much cooler it was to play with older kids.


There is little, to no stress taking Kajerik out, he is easier to 'steer' than his brother was. Much more accepting to directions. But will generally 'tire' more quickly to be carried, or pushed around. At least, until there is something of interest, then he'll be happy to jog off again.


Kajerik will generally take longer to fall asleep, just stuffs around in bed for a while, but he is good about it. Stays quiet for his brother's sake, and eventually falls a sleep. He sleeps a little longer in the mornings, and take longer to snap out the morning grumpy mood. Like myself, I would describe him as a night person, at the moment.
So, bigger picture... having a second child is quite different, much more relaxing and we leave Kajerik to himself a lot more than we would ever with Lokien. I would say this is better, as I suspect Lokien always being given the toy he was after, and so on, may have slowed down the need to learn to crawl. Kajerik is already getting close to crawling, about a month earlier. In a way it is a shame we can not have Lokien now, since you enjoy your children growing up more when relaxed. Lokien is doing well, speaks quite a bit more, 3-4 word sentences, and the same in Japanese. Already we had a situation where Lokien picked up something and said a word I did not know, which of course turned out the be the Japanese word. So already he has learned words I do not know myself.


 
But he does still have ways to go. Certainly when he is tired or hungry he reverts back quite badly, which is probably quite the norm for children his age. But he often seems to <span class="plainlinks">[http://www.thepiggybackrider.com/ <span style="color:black;font-weight:normal; text-decoration:none!important; background:none!important; text-decoration:none;/*CITATION*/">child carrier</span>]</span> have little clue as to what is going on around him, for example when playing with a group of children. Sometimes the other children might be teasing him or deliberately trying to push him, to which Lokien seems blissfully unaware, and just think they want to run/chase, which he loves. Perhaps that is a protecting bonus for him. But it does mean we have yet to really move into higher playing. We can do "tag" now at least, but still miss other structured play, like, memory or such. Leaves going to the toilet to the absolute last split second, but does well with toilets during the day. Night time he unfortunately decided he did not want nappies anymore, so we frequently have night time accidents.  
Together they are great. They play together very well, show each other new things and generally get along well. They occasionally melt down a little and hassle each other (too far), but are fairly good at knowing the limits.  They can both make each other cry, so it is not a one-way street by any means. There can still be some improvements in their diets I think, but that seems to work itself out too, with time.  


Lokien loves cheese, sausages, ham, omelets, fries, milk, milkshakes, bananas, sembe, bread, rice, chicken, plain cakes, and hates anything sweet like chocolate, coke, icing, chips.
One noticeable difference between the two kids is food. Lokien still eats very little, and is very picky about what he eats. Kajerik recently started on solids, and after 2 weeks, absolutely loves it. Nearly stopped the bottles on his own accord, and will eat/try to eat everything. We got quite relaxed about "not having anything swallowable on the floor" since we '''knew''' Lokien would never ever try to eat it, and never did. But now, Kajerik will lunge for everything! Changes have to be implemented!
Kajerik loves rice, fries, chicken nuggets, sausages, plain cakes, bread, chocolate, chips, coke and hates icing, milkshakes, bananas, cheese.


So they are different in their likes and don't like. They both eat everything served at school/hoikuen though, which is a very Asian fare. Including miso-soup and strange fish with vegetables.
Both of them together is ok, Lokien mostly just ignores Kajerik but not in a bad way. Sometimes share, and sometimes worried about Kajerik touching his toys. (.. which luckily Kajerik mostly ignores).
 
We went to NZ and a short trip to Chiba this year, there were minor issues with Kajerik being restrained in a car, but overall they were excellent family-style holidays. We all had a great time, and had fun both traveling and being there. We learned that Lokien can't have two milkshakes in one day in Kuala Lumpur, and how to (not) fly with kids having chickenpox. It was great to see the interaction between our kids and my brother's three kids, as well as how my brother's family interacted internally. I can also look back at myself and how I was, and behaved, when Lokien was first born and know how much of the 'new parent' stress really is .. well.. amusing, but you can't know that until you have been through it. I know it doesn't help to tell 'new parents' to 'relax more', but really, you should relax more. :)

Revision as of 10:17, 27 September 2011

Year Four

In about two weeks Lokien will turn 4 years old, and Kajerik is a week under 7 months old. The last week has been mostly about Kajerik, but we need to go back a little before we can talk about that. Back when Kajerik was about 4 months old he was still very often cross-eyed. We brought this up with our local Doctor, who referred us to an expert at Keio University Hospital, in Sendagaya-ku Tokyo.

Ushka did this trip, which was a long morning with lots of dilating eye drops, waiting, more drops etc. Then various tests and eye photography. But the real expert only comes in on Tuesdays, so he had to go back the following week. I took this shift as Ushka had a cooking class at the time. No drops needed, mostly consultation and we were referred to the Kokuritsu Seiiku-iryo Hospital (National Research Institute for Child Health and Development) in Setagaya-ku. First we were to try some drops to see if it was a disease rather than a disorder.

The Kokuritsu Hospital is very nice, very new and caters very well to children. Has lots of play areas, very colourful and well lit. We saw the specialist there, female eye surgeon. After another bound of tests, mostly with prisms, we were informed that Kajerik had Infantile Esotropia and the normal procedure for this is corrective surgery. Luckily we are in Japan so it costs nothing.

As it is better to have the surgery sooner rather than later, it was scheduled for Aug 23rd, Wednesday. The procedure was to check-in on Tuesday before, have the surgery on Wednesday afternoon, stay all of Thursday and usually you can check-out on Friday morning. It is fine for parents to stay with the child, but they do try to discourage you. There is no accommodation for the adult. Although since we picked a private room, we could book a special chair that changed into a bed of sorts. If we had picked the public room (sleeps four kids) there would be no room, but to sleep in a chair. You can not bring in food, nor is there food for you in the room (there are both restaurants and shops of course, but your child can't leave the Ward after the operation).

Initially the plan was for Ushka to stay the 3 nights, and I shuttle Lokien to Daycare and work (to save holidays), but since Ushka's parents were here at the time, we modified it so that I stayed Wednesday afternoon/night and Thursday morning. That way Ushka did not have to do two nights in a row, and I generously offered to be there for the (presumably) hardest night.

So, Tuesday came. I took Lokien to Hoikuen/daycare as usual and went to work. Ushka and her parents left early for the Hospital, luckily it is on our train line (Odakyu, the Seijyo Gakkoen Mae stn). They went through the normal checks, and paperwork. They were a little worried about the /wobbly eye/ which can be a result of brain damage, or head trauma, so Kajerik also got a CT scan. Since that was clear, the surgery was still on.

In the end I think Ushka got the hardest time, namely Wednesday morning when Kajerik could only have a little formula, then had to go without food and drink until the surgery, scheduled at 15:00. Lots of work and stress there, in a way, quite lucky this was the second born, so we are already much less stressed in general. I took a half day that day, and showed up at 15:00 or so. [[1]]

The child before had a difficult surgery so it was quite late, but around 16:15 they came to the room to wheel him down to the OR. The OR is located on 4F, so we followed him down there, but were asked to wait in the waiting area. So here we got to experience the "parents waiting for news of their child's surgery" you see on TV so often. Naturally it was a little over-time too which did not help. We, and everyone else waiting, were all waiting for nurse or surgeon to come in, so anyone walking by resulted in everyone checking.

About 20 minutes later than expected the surgeon came out and explained everything went according to plan. About 6.5mm cut from the inside muscle (next to the nose). We were asked to wait while Kajerik was in the recovery room, and then he'd be wheeled out to us. This took quite a bit of waiting as well.

Eventually he was wheeled in, eyes covered [[2]] and sleeping. This part, and subsequent night, was quite uncertain to us, since he would have to sleep on his back (he's a front sleeper only), can't reach his face, eyes covered and could not drink immediately after surgery.

As it happens, he slept for the two hours that he could not drink anything. After that I could feed him sugar-water. As he kept that down, he could go off the IV. He didn't like the IV attachment, but the IV was not annoying him as much as the foot connection was. (pulse and oxygen percentage monitoring). An hour after than he could have formula which went down just fine.

He did not have to be tied down as he gave up trying to reach his eyes after I was blocking him for about 10 minutes. I slept off and on, the bed was a tight fit. Very narrow, you can have one arm by your side, not both. Kajerik woke up around 6 and had more formula, and slept a little more.

The surgeon popped in at around 8 in the morning, and she removed the bandages. [[3]] and after a little coaxing he opened his eyes. [[4]] A little red in the middle, but otherwise looking great. Thursday went well, and he could come home on Friday.


So, bigger picture... having a second child is quite different, much more relaxing and we leave Kajerik to himself a lot more than we would ever with Lokien. I would say this is better, as I suspect Lokien always being given the toy he was after, and so on, may have slowed down the need to learn to crawl. Kajerik is already getting close to crawling, about a month earlier. In a way it is a shame we can not have Lokien now, since you enjoy your children growing up more when relaxed. Lokien is doing well, speaks quite a bit more, 3-4 word sentences, and the same in Japanese. Already we had a situation where Lokien picked up something and said a word I did not know, which of course turned out the be the Japanese word. So already he has learned words I do not know myself.

But he does still have ways to go. Certainly when he is tired or hungry he reverts back quite badly, which is probably quite the norm for children his age. But he often seems to child carrier have little clue as to what is going on around him, for example when playing with a group of children. Sometimes the other children might be teasing him or deliberately trying to push him, to which Lokien seems blissfully unaware, and just think they want to run/chase, which he loves. Perhaps that is a protecting bonus for him. But it does mean we have yet to really move into higher playing. We can do "tag" now at least, but still miss other structured play, like, memory or such. Leaves going to the toilet to the absolute last split second, but does well with toilets during the day. Night time he unfortunately decided he did not want nappies anymore, so we frequently have night time accidents.

One noticeable difference between the two kids is food. Lokien still eats very little, and is very picky about what he eats. Kajerik recently started on solids, and after 2 weeks, absolutely loves it. Nearly stopped the bottles on his own accord, and will eat/try to eat everything. We got quite relaxed about "not having anything swallowable on the floor" since we knew Lokien would never ever try to eat it, and never did. But now, Kajerik will lunge for everything! Changes have to be implemented!

Both of them together is ok, Lokien mostly just ignores Kajerik but not in a bad way. Sometimes share, and sometimes worried about Kajerik touching his toys. (.. which luckily Kajerik mostly ignores).